Tag: self-discovery

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Speak your truth…

Speak your truth…

6-7 min read

Something I have been working really hard at these last few days is to unapologetically honor my feelings… even when I feel shame or like my feelings are wrong in some way. Honoring my feelings with kindness and really being present to allow myself to feel them fully, is a practice that allows me an opportunity to grow and to heal. To really turn toward them, rather than push away from them, opens things up for self-discovery. It also shows that I respect myself as an individual and that I have compassion for the fact that I am human, with human emotions. Someone asked me, ‘how do you honor your feelings?’. Well, I set aside time and create a space for myself, where I feel comfortable enough to feel my feelings and I allow myself to work through those feelings without judgment. Sadness for instance. I set myself up in a calming, judgment-free zone, with meditative music and plenty of tissues, so that I can work through why I am sad. I write it out in a journal, talk it out with a friend or my Higher Power, practice mindfulness and I let the tears flow. I honor the fact that I might be feeling guilt, abandonment, powerlessness, vulnerability, loneliness or depression. Instead of carrying all of those emotions with me or being in denial that they exist, I allow myself the time to work through them and really honor why they exist to me. This way they do not end up affecting me in negative ways. In the past, I was really good about denying my feelings access to surface. It was the example I had been given… to just push my feelings aside and move forward as if they didn’t exist. Not to mention when a person gets shut down enough, told they’re being too sensitive or even when ridiculed for feeling a particular way, it’s only natural that we shut down. I have come to learn that is not healthy for my well-being, and instead through lots of practice, I allow myself the space to process and dig deep as to why I am feeling a certain way.

All over the place I see people denying access to their feelings and pushing forward as if nothing is bothering them. And in doing so, outsiders can see when those same individuals become irritable and unreasonable, without even knowing it. Much like addiction, when we deny ourselves access to feeling our feelings, we cover it all up in other (unhealthy) ways… without even realizing it. And those same folks are so far deep into their denial, that there is nothing that we can do besides lead by example and practice vulnerability ourselves, to show others that it’s okay. When we create a safe space, we open up the opportunity for us to discover things about ourselves and others, that we likely wouldn’t have seen before. This is now a daily practice for me, to really check in with myself and take a moral inventory, so that I am honoring my feelings and I can work through them without denying them access to surface. This is what helps me to continue on as a healthy individual. This allows me to work through the healing process at a much more efficient pace. I also recognize that I once upon a time ago really struggled with reacting before thinking about how to respond. Letting the pressure build up to the point that all I could do was to snap, not even knowing why because I never even considered allowing myself time to work through anything I was going through. Instead I just pushed it all down deep and put one foot in front of the other in an attempt to push forward. It was an unhealthy, but very natural way of life that so many people lead. It is all around us. And reality is, the majority of people, are denying themselves access to their true feelings. That’s part of why vulnerability is so scary for most people. Being vulnerable means we open ourselves up and have to take a real hard look at ourselves. We might just discover something we have been in denial about, that we won’t like, or something we have yet to know about ourselves. We might discover that we are living a lie, or that we have been covering up true feelings because we are worried about judgment. Lately for me, it’s been guilt and selfishness. Those two negative feelings have been keeping me from really honoring or working through feelings I have… because they feel wrong. Once I realized I was not being true to myself, I took the time to identify those negative feelings and work through them… unapologetically. Reality is, it’s important for us to work through our emotions with honesty and respect, even if we don’t agree with them… our feelings are valid. Our feelings are an authentic expression of who we are on a deeper level. So allow yourself to feel the pain, discomfort and negative feelings, because we can’t have the light without the dark.

“I can transform my feelings by being present with them.”

– Gabby Bernstein

Having a daily practice of vulnerability and honoring one’s feelings, gives us the chance to grow beyond what we believe we are capable of. And to really own our feelings, gives us a possibility to improve our self-worth, self-acceptance and self-love. It’s important that we acknowledge our emotions and look deeply at who we are, so that we can be the best versions of ourselves and truly honor who we are as individuals, rather than denying access to what our deepest part of ourselves truly desires. True healing and really honoring oneself fully, comes when we give ourselves permission to feel what we are truly feeling at our core. And though this exercise takes time and lots of practice, a great place to start is to create a safe space, set aside a specific amount of time, and really give yourself that time to be vulnerable and present with yourself. Let the tears flow even. The rest will come in time. So honor yourself, and get to know your inner truth.

Amber T

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What is recovery?

That is the question that was asked of me during my first day of training as a Recovery Coach. The answer seemed a lot easier when writing it in the workbook, at least it seemed easier up until I was asked to write my Recovery Journey anyways. I’ve had to really give it some thought so I’ve just been sitting in this hotel room trying to get lost in my thoughts by reflecting on what my Recovery Journey looks like to me. I have been on my journey now for three years. I have learned so many things and come so far, and I’ve also been writing about my journey in this blog that whole time. Though I don’t actually talk much about many of the details that get me to the new tools or healthy coping. Instead I’ve always been fearful of doing that without knowing who was reading so I’ve just left those details for my face-to-face interactions with people in my community and in my life, as a way to keep myself safe from judgment. For me I guess in order to put down on paper what my Recovery Journey is, it starts with asking myself “in what ways do I believe I am in recovery?”. I often tell people I am in recovery from my codependency and attraction to chaos. But reality is, it is so much deeper than that. Those are just symptoms. I am in recovery from the affects of growing up in an alcoholic home, being sexually abused as a child by a family member, the affects of alcoholism in my relationships and work places, as well as my past sexual assaults in my adult years, the affects of being strangled, emotionally abused, in recovery for my mental health (depression, anxiety, panic attacks, PTSD), homelessness, single-motherhood and physically for chronic pain from a prior car accident. With each of those major events were unhealthy learned behaviors that I am now working hard towards unlearning in order to be healthy. I work an active 12 step program where I am active in service, have a sponsor, and I work the Steps, Traditions & Concepts. I also have a therapist and do active talk therapy & EMDR sessions to work through some of the bigger events in my life that had the most harmful and unhealthy learned behaviors, so that I can work to reframe that trauma and come out with more awareness for change in how I cope. I recently went through a Domestic Violence Support Group for a year before I finally was able to grasp what domestic violence really is. With all of these traumas, I have taken steps towards recovery in some way, so that I can get better and be authentically me. Once I really started to address my early childhood sexual abuse, it really helped open my eyes to my past behaviors, in a way that I now have much more compassion for myself and others. Plus I just end up learning so many things about myself, that it helps me identify more goals and strengths. With all of those traumas came effects such as low self-esteem, low self-worth, low self-value, low confidence, people pleasing, submission, shame & guilt, fear, never feeling good enough, believing I could never amount to anything, believing I didn’t deserve anything good, the list goes on… awful effects that I know I am not alone in feeling. I have walked the journey with so many people who are strong and courageous enough to share their feelings of vulnerability, which has helped me grow further as a person and as a healer. I recognize that no one story is the same, just as no one recovery is the same. We are all on our own paths, in our own ways, but to be able to have someone on the journey with us… that makes all the difference in how we recover. With us… not judging, not bias, not objectifying. Just supporting our decisions to figure things out on their own. It brings a new meaning to ‘Meet them where they’re at’… it’s not about meeting them physically at their tent or on the street. It’s about meeting the person in those deep dark feelings that we have overcome already, and help them through the mud. That is part of what I am hoping to offer that is different than other organizations in my area. Though I do recognize that there are lots of helpers, lots of providers out there doing the work in their own ways, setting myself apart and truly getting in the mud with those suffering, and helping them come out stronger, that is where my passion really lies. I know that walking the journey with them is what is going to help them recover, and in-turn I will come out a better version of myself. And of course I am going to have to take extra care of myself while I do this work. That’s so important. I will have to focus even more on refilling my cup in order to be successful, but thankfully that is just another skill I get to teach other people. There are still many things in my own recovery that I am not yet ready to face, so it will also be important to set appropriate boundaries for myself and the people I serve. I’m grateful for my time working my Al-Anon program; that has helped me learn why boundaries are so necessary. So many things that have happened throughout this journey of recovery, and each one of them has happened in the time that it was needed. Recovery cannot be rushed, pushed or demanded. Recovery is by our own definition, on our own terms, in our own time. It is self-identified and self-driven. What a powerful word, recovery. I look forward to finetuning how I get to encompass being a Recovery Coach into this business and this journey. Stay tuned ya’ll.