Tag: break the cycle

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Vibrations

5 min read

It’s been a couple months since I wrote. Creating the space to sit down and write (with intention), has proven to be challenging. Between the new job, the recent move, the holidays, and my physical health, I have not had much else to give. Everything I do have goes to taking care of mine and my son’s well-being. That is the most important thing. As you can probably imagine with everything, it takes a lot of hard work. It’s important to me that he sees me being a healthy individual who works hard to behave in healthy ways so that he can learn how to do the same. And he is learning. It melts my heart when I see him growing too. The fact is, he learns based on what he sees, not what I say. The complete opposite as I was raised. I was always told “Do as I say, not as I do.”. Many of us have probably heard some version of this. I’m guilty of having said it in the past, I’m sure. The reality is though, that we learn what we see in action. Once I realized that, it changed the way I behaved and saw the world. I grew up knowing all the things I saw around me, and that’s how I ended up behaving. It took me breaking the cycle and unlearning what I knew, to learn new ways of being.

“Intention is one with cause and effect. Intention determines outcome. And if you’re stuck and not moving forward, you have to check the thought and the action that created the circumstance.”

– Oprah Winfrey

I am filled with much gratitude that I was delivered awareness and given an opportunity to do different. I took that chance and haven’t turned back since. Growing the way I have, I now vibrate at a different frequency. I know others can feel it too. The process hasn’t been easy; quite frankly, it’s uncomfortable in a lot of ways. I’ve even lost relationships. I’ve had to grieve those relationships because I realize that we may never vibrate at the same frequency if there is no awareness or acceptance. We can’t grow if we do not practice the three A’s: Awareness. Acceptance. Action. And I cannot lower my vibration to match another’s. That would be unhealthy. I can, however, continue to lead by example and put in the work to grow as an individual; this could give others the chance to vibrate at my frequency. The process of healing and growing is not something that happens overnight. It takes time. And truly is a lifelong journey. To start, one must wake up (with intention) and put in the work to do better, while purposefully seeking understanding of what drives our behaviors and actually working on those things (with intention). We must also set aside time to take care of ourselves; that is where we find the solutions to our problems. If we can be mindful and truly take care of our own needs, we create ourselves the space to see the whole picture. Space is grace. Giving ourselves grace is a different perspective for those of us who have grown up with the mindset that taking care of oneself is selfish. It is not selfish. It is absolutely necessary. So, give yourself grace and practice self-care (with intention).

By now I’m sure you can see there is a theme for today’s post. It will actually be my word of the upcoming year. INTENTION. But what does intention mean?

Oxford Languages has two definitions for intention:

1. (noun) A thing intended; an aim or plan.

2. (Medicine definition) the healing process of a wound.

Interesting definitions. I had no idea how perfect this word really would be for my year coming up, but that second definition really says it all. It makes me proud that I am on the right track and would use something as simple as intention, as my way to heal through things that need healing. Because that’s what I intend to do. I intend to practice forgiveness; I intend to offer myself and others grace; I intend to reflect on what drives my behaviors & feelings; I intend to improve my physical health; I intend to ask for what I need; I intend to listen with an open mind and heart; I intend to be a voice for those who do not have a voice of their own; I intend to be mindful in all areas of my life; I intend to take care of myself every day; I intend to enjoy the little things; I intend to be a present parent; I intend to get out of my comfort zone; I intend to set boundaries; I intend to stand up for myself; I intend to behave kindly; I intend to give back to my community. The list goes on… the idea is that I intend to behave in all of the positive ways that I have learned how. I have had years of practicing these things, and I intend to make them all a normal part of my daily habits from now until forever. Intention is an attitude. Intention is action. Intention is how we grow and heal through those parts of us that are broken. Intention is how we help future generations be healthy and thrive. So, for me, this is a way of life, which helps me vibrate at a frequency I am proud of. My hope for those of you reading this and those who I care for, is that you too vibrate at a frequency that you’re proud of. And if you aren’t there yet, give yourself grace. Just know that if you practice Awareness, Acceptance and Action (with intention of course), you’ll get there. And until then, lean on your supportive community and honor what you are going through. The best has yet to come.

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Strength in Vulnerability

I wasn’t going to post quite yet but as I was sitting here, I realized that I kind of need to. I’m going through a lot right now and I always feel better when I get things off my chest. The pressure has been building up. I am doing my best to take care of myself and really using all of my tools and support. It’s just also been quite the journey. Every day I am having to spend quite a bit of time healing physically and emotionally. In getting better, there are days that are harder than others, as sometimes things get worse before they get better, but I continue to push through. Being in pain has a way of wearing on one’s mental health. Which is why I have had to self-care every day, sometimes multiple times a day. It has a way of catching up to a person after so long though. Sitting here I caught myself starting to have negative self-talk and really just started doubting myself. Doubting my abilities, my skills, my parenting, my friendships, my future… it all just came at me at once. That’s how I knew it was time to write and share. Over the years, the gap between when negative self-talk creeps in, to using my tools, has significantly improved to the tiniest little gap. It’s taken years of practice for me to get to this place that I can so easily pull a tool out of my pocket and use it to get better. Not to say that I don’t have my moments, but often that just means I need to call someone and reason things out with another person. It works so often. I have a long list of supportive individuals, who make it easier for me to stay better. When I first started my recovery, picking up the phone and saying out loud what was going on, was by far the hardest thing I think I have ever done. But once I did, and I realized I wasn’t alone in my journey, and came to learn that there were others just like me, I got better. And I kept getting better. And honestly, I have no plan of slowing down any time soon when it comes to my growth. There are so many people in my life and that I care about, that I know are struggling with where I once was, and that helps motivate me to keep doing what I’m doing with this project and with improving my tools and support, so that more support can be available to those who need it. Knowing we are not alone in something, can really help someone overcome. Shame is such a hard part of that process. With shame comes vulnerability, and that can be SO hard to overcome. Especially when there is untreated trauma, addiction, mental illness… it can honestly keep someone sick. I am so glad that I have learned to speak about even things I once thought were unspeakable. Now I have come to learn that there is no shame in our experiences. Instead, we have a chance to overcome and get better, when we reason things out with another person. We can find new ways of handling situations or conflict, new ways of being. When I look back at my life and how I got to where I am today, I don’t see shame… I see strength. I overcame my generational trauma’s and broke the cycle that I grew up in. I have overcome most of my trauma’s that I have gained over the many years. I am no longer stuck where I was; I am now growing in every direction. And where I am still struggling, I practice my tools everyday because I know that in the not so far future, I will be an even better version of myself. I am now a leader of positive change and recovery. Leading by example. Sharing my truth. Being vulnerable in everything I do. Doing something I never thought I’d be strong enough to. And even on the most challenging of days, everything is okay. I’m okay. Because between the tools, support and my Higher Power, I know that everything will work out just the way it should. In regards to how this fits into my project, it has been setback after setback, but I continue to push forward and when I get setback, I always find that it happened for a reason I couldn’t see right away, but ends up working out just as it should. I’d encourage anyone going through a hard time to hang on as tight as you can, call a friend or a lifeline, say a prayer or meditate, and give yourself time and compassion to wait out whatever it is you are going through. Because in the end, you might be surprised. In the meantime, just know that there are people out there who love and care for you, and want to see you get better. There is no shame in going through the motions of life. We are as sick as our secrets. And somewhere out there, someone else has gone through something similar whom is waiting to share their story with you, so you too can get better and realize you are not alone to carry the burden of what you have been through. Keep coming back. The best has yet to come.

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Breaking the Cycle

A perfect title for the work that I am doing and for how I try to help the people. Part of what I do to help people is to get to the root cause of why the individual is living an unfulfilled life. I work to help them figure out how their traumas correlate with their unhealthy coping habits of drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, food, you name it. And in the process, we talk about change and how to break the cycle, by sharing new tools to try. It doesn’t stop there though… I work with folks over time by spending time with them and following up on how the tools are working, what things came up, how are they feeling. We just keep going and going until eventually they decide they want to get better. It’s a pretty amazing process. Not an easy process by any means, and definitely doesn’t happen over night. Some people I have partnered with for years. The amazing part is that I get to watch them get better, in the best of ways. I watch them practice new tools and work on building healthier habits. I watch individuals break the cycle all the time. I watch people be vulnerable and courageous in taking back control of their lives, even when it’s really, really hard. I get to stand side-by-side them when the good, bad and ugly occur. All through just giving them my time and sharing my Experience, Strength & Hope. By letting people know they are not alone in their traumas, they are getting better. And it’s worth be vulnerable to watch another person grow.

Last night I had a pretty incredible conversation with a gal I’ve known now for about 2 years. She is someone who has been struggling with drug addiction for quite a few years now and has even lost her daughter to her family. She has been back and forth in recovery but most recently has been back to using. I’ve been partnering with her by helping talk about the family dynamic, the traumas and sharing new tools to try. I spend my time just listening to her and giving her a listening ear. She called me yesterday to let me know that she is back to being motivated and is not using at this time! She is considering going back to treatment and wants to get her life back in order… she wants to Break the Cycle. We had a really good chat about her family. Her learned behaviors are all she has known the majority of her life. That’s something I can relate with. When what we know comes from our family homes growing up and then all of the traumas alone the way, we learned some pretty poor behaviors that we have been living in most of our lives, and those behaviors take time and a lot of hard work to overcome. I always work to remind folks to be patient and compassionate with themselves because we can’t just change over night. I look forward to working with her further and seeing where she goes. Personally I am an individual who works really hard to overcome my traumas and grow as a person, and I still fall back to my old behaviors from time to time. We are all only human. It’s about Progress, Not Perfection.

I am pretty grateful that I get to be on this journey with folks. They are people I have come to care for. They are community members who turned to coping in ways to help them survive the best they knew how. Part of my goal with this business, is to continue helping people to break the cycle by gaining more trainings and bringing individuals into the candle business to partner with them, helping them find a purpose. I sure have quite the journey ahead of me, that’s for sure. After years of never feeling good enough, I now have to put myself out there and really get this business going. Working with folks and seeing their vulnerability helps me be more courageous. Stay tuned followers!