Tag: Reflection

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Small Chapter

3-4 min read

Well, I am three days Post-Op and am doing surprisingly well! Honestly, I feel better than I expected. I even feel better now than I did the first six months after the accident. I am feeling pretty optimistic. I have challenges of course, I just had surgery after all. My hip and leg are sore, tender, and weak, however, the pain I had pre-surgery is almost non-existent. That is really promising! It could be the meds I’m on, or it could be that the surgery was much more successful than I anticipated.  Time will tell. I’ve been able to get on the spin bike to keep my hip moving. I’m supposed to ride it twice a day. I started at two minutes and have to increase my time by one minute every other day. It’s not easy by any means, but it’s totally doable. I’m up to three minutes. This morning was difficult, but I took the queues that my body needed rest and that’s what I did. Here in a week, I’ll start physical therapy. That I think will be the hardest part of all of this for me. It was the hardest part after the accident. I have firsthand knowledge of what it will take, and I am prepared to put in the work. My support has been amazing. My mental health is in a good place. Overall, I am doing really well. The last year has prepared me for this part of my journey. Taking things slow and steady is what is helping me operate at my best. Slow and steady was my theme for 2022, so I got a lot of practice. I must say too, that all the time I spent on crutches after the accident, really helped me prepare for this. I am able to get around pretty good and I’m fully present. I’m slow and my hip/leg doesn’t move well, but I anticipate it won’t take long to get some of my mobility back. I feel truly blessed to have my lived experience and a strong supportive community, that help me through this time in my life. When I think back to the challenges I’ve had to face over the last 14 months since the accident, this seems like a small chapter of that story.

“Radical Acceptance is the willingness to experience ourselves and our life as it is. A moment of Radical Acceptance is a moment of genuine freedom.”

– Tara Brach, 2004

To be totally transparent, I expected this part of the journey to include way more tears and more moments of wanting to give up. I definitely wasn’t expecting to feel so good and being able to be as present as I have been. That’s not to say I won’t have my moments, but this is a great start to everything I have coming. I’m grateful to have much of my independence through this. I’ve had to set myself up with assisted devices and ask for a lot of help, so that I could maintain my independence. Especially as a single individual. Anyone going through something like this could attest to the fact that losing one’s independence is a hard part of these types of journey’s. I have so many doohickey’s at home to help me though. From a sock aid, toilet riser, body pillow, grabber, to furniture risers, leg lifter strap and shower chair. It’s the little things that make a huge difference in me being able to maintain good mental health. I think if I didn’t have that type of help, I’d be pretty upset and struggle much more. Of course, there are some things that I just have to accept are on hold and will come in time. That’s okay. I’ve been working on acceptance for some time now. It just gets easier and easier with each opportunity. I’m glad I was able to find the space to give an update. Writing is such a helpful way for me to express myself and to work through what I’m going through. Not to mention the opportunity for reflection. I’ll work to give another update within a week or so, especially to check in when the physical therapy starts. In the meantime, I will focus on my healing and my physical recovery, and in this moment, it’s nap time! Stay tuned everyone. More to come!

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Vibrations

5 min read

It’s been a couple months since I wrote. Creating the space to sit down and write (with intention), has proven to be challenging. Between the new job, the recent move, the holidays, and my physical health, I have not had much else to give. Everything I do have goes to taking care of mine and my son’s well-being. That is the most important thing. As you can probably imagine with everything, it takes a lot of hard work. It’s important to me that he sees me being a healthy individual who works hard to behave in healthy ways so that he can learn how to do the same. And he is learning. It melts my heart when I see him growing too. The fact is, he learns based on what he sees, not what I say. The complete opposite as I was raised. I was always told “Do as I say, not as I do.”. Many of us have probably heard some version of this. I’m guilty of having said it in the past, I’m sure. The reality is though, that we learn what we see in action. Once I realized that, it changed the way I behaved and saw the world. I grew up knowing all the things I saw around me, and that’s how I ended up behaving. It took me breaking the cycle and unlearning what I knew, to learn new ways of being.

“Intention is one with cause and effect. Intention determines outcome. And if you’re stuck and not moving forward, you have to check the thought and the action that created the circumstance.”

– Oprah Winfrey

I am filled with much gratitude that I was delivered awareness and given an opportunity to do different. I took that chance and haven’t turned back since. Growing the way I have, I now vibrate at a different frequency. I know others can feel it too. The process hasn’t been easy; quite frankly, it’s uncomfortable in a lot of ways. I’ve even lost relationships. I’ve had to grieve those relationships because I realize that we may never vibrate at the same frequency if there is no awareness or acceptance. We can’t grow if we do not practice the three A’s: Awareness. Acceptance. Action. And I cannot lower my vibration to match another’s. That would be unhealthy. I can, however, continue to lead by example and put in the work to grow as an individual; this could give others the chance to vibrate at my frequency. The process of healing and growing is not something that happens overnight. It takes time. And truly is a lifelong journey. To start, one must wake up (with intention) and put in the work to do better, while purposefully seeking understanding of what drives our behaviors and actually working on those things (with intention). We must also set aside time to take care of ourselves; that is where we find the solutions to our problems. If we can be mindful and truly take care of our own needs, we create ourselves the space to see the whole picture. Space is grace. Giving ourselves grace is a different perspective for those of us who have grown up with the mindset that taking care of oneself is selfish. It is not selfish. It is absolutely necessary. So, give yourself grace and practice self-care (with intention).

By now I’m sure you can see there is a theme for today’s post. It will actually be my word of the upcoming year. INTENTION. But what does intention mean?

Oxford Languages has two definitions for intention:

1. (noun) A thing intended; an aim or plan.

2. (Medicine definition) the healing process of a wound.

Interesting definitions. I had no idea how perfect this word really would be for my year coming up, but that second definition really says it all. It makes me proud that I am on the right track and would use something as simple as intention, as my way to heal through things that need healing. Because that’s what I intend to do. I intend to practice forgiveness; I intend to offer myself and others grace; I intend to reflect on what drives my behaviors & feelings; I intend to improve my physical health; I intend to ask for what I need; I intend to listen with an open mind and heart; I intend to be a voice for those who do not have a voice of their own; I intend to be mindful in all areas of my life; I intend to take care of myself every day; I intend to enjoy the little things; I intend to be a present parent; I intend to get out of my comfort zone; I intend to set boundaries; I intend to stand up for myself; I intend to behave kindly; I intend to give back to my community. The list goes on… the idea is that I intend to behave in all of the positive ways that I have learned how. I have had years of practicing these things, and I intend to make them all a normal part of my daily habits from now until forever. Intention is an attitude. Intention is action. Intention is how we grow and heal through those parts of us that are broken. Intention is how we help future generations be healthy and thrive. So, for me, this is a way of life, which helps me vibrate at a frequency I am proud of. My hope for those of you reading this and those who I care for, is that you too vibrate at a frequency that you’re proud of. And if you aren’t there yet, give yourself grace. Just know that if you practice Awareness, Acceptance and Action (with intention of course), you’ll get there. And until then, lean on your supportive community and honor what you are going through. The best has yet to come.