Five Seconds of Courage
4-5 min read
Fear and anxiety can at times be crippling. But where do we begin when fear and anxiety have hit that point? Over the years I have gained many tools and support that help me during those times. Most of the time before they become crippling, but not always. Recently I had something come up for me that was emotionally and spiritually important to me, and that fear started to take over. It was a lot of work to continuously overcome those negative thoughts and not let it drive my behaviors. Afterall, fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. Thankfully with the help of my tools and support, it never did hit me in a crippling way. I knew I would regret not listening to my heart so I put in a lot of hard work to ensure that didn’t happen. And I am beyond grateful that I put in the work to take care of myself (over days mind you) and truly prepare myself to be my strongest self before finally having just five seconds of courage to push through my fear and anxiety. Because truth be told, that’s all it takes for us to take big leaps. As many of you might know, fear and anxiety can prevent us from ever getting to the point of having those five seconds of courage. And that’s okay. It’ll be more fulfilling if you put in the work to behave in healthy ways versus reacting out of emotions. For myself, with this particular emotional and spiritual important thing to me (it was an amends to someone), it required that I took time to reflect on my emotions, reflect of my motives, reflect on whether I had any expectations, reflect on whether I am healthy enough in my recovery, reflect on the past, reflect on whether there might be harm done, you name it. There was a lot of work I put in to ensure that I was doing the right thing. During the process, there were many fearful and anxious thoughts that would try to take over. Instead of letting those thoughts live in my head, I handed them over and would say the Serenity Prayer, have a conversation with my Higher Power or a trusted friend, write it out, and truly take care of myself. I gave myself time to understand my fear. I gave myself time to understand my anxiety. And what it came down to was that it was important to me. It makes total sense that through the process I got worked up about possible outcomes. I also know from experience that I could come up with a thousand different scenarios that might happen and not one of them would be correct. The next best thing was to accept that I was powerless over how another person responds to me or how they react. The only thing I have control over are my own actions and words, and it’s important to me that I honor my authentic self. I’ve learned over the years that if I work my recovery, use my tools and support, I have a better chance of coming out stronger and healthier. And let me tell you, that’s exactly what happened. Not only was the experience positive in really big ways, but I also came to really see (and feel) how far I have come over the years. Chasing recovery has a way of really paying off in unexpected ways. Of course, the process is scary and unknown, but trust me when I say, it is totally worth it.
“The best way out is always through.”
– Robert Frost
Recovery often feels like starting all over. Rediscovering who you really are, without hiding behind that one thing that has kept you from being your true, authentic self. To learn new behaviors and beliefs, while placing our problems in its true perspective, allows us an opportunity to grow and heal in really big ways. The longer I practice what I learn and reach out to my support, the more I can see the growth in my life, providing strong support in times of doubt, and bringing me great strength and courage I didn’t have before. I may have been skeptical at first, but I paid attention to what was happening around me, and in my life, bringing me perspective that helped me build trust in myself and in the process of recovery. Time somehow offers us insight and gives us an opportunity to be more informed, so if I can offer you anything, I offer you this… keep showing up to put in the work, giving yourself time to see how it shows up for you in your life. Same when it comes to using new tools… practice the tools for a short time before giving up on them for not working. Just as a new habit takes time to build, learning new behaviors and ways of coping deserves the same time to implement into your life. Give yourself lots of grace and remember that you are a beautifully pieced together masterpiece that came together through Progress, Not Perfection. For me, I look forward to seeing more about how my recovery helps me to keep taking the leap and finding that five seconds of courage it takes to change my life in unexpected (and beautiful) ways!