What a week! I have had to fight feelings of inadequacy, low self-worth, and general feelings of unease. Yet I’ve also been overwhelmed with gratitude for all of the growth I have had and the support that continues to keep me focused. I am beyond blessed. Years ago all of this would not have been made possible. Now I am surrounded by loving, caring human beings, and I finally am starting to feel good about myself. The negative feelings are feelings I’ve been fighting most of my life. That’s what happens with trauma. I grew up in a pretty decent home, however alcohol played a big role. And with alcohol, came the family disease, affecting each one of the members of my family without anyone even knowing it. We are all still working through the affects it has had on us. My trauma goes much further than that as well, as it does for everyone. I was also sexually abused by a family member for many years. Something I have only recently worked through, and still have further to go in my healing but I have come so far! That drove so many of my behaviors and negative thoughts for more years than I want to admit, but what matters now is that I have given myself space to heal. It was no wonder though, that I was once upon a time ago attracted to alcoholics and abusers. Sexual abuse is something that often goes un-talked about. So many women (and men) I know that have been sexually abused, do not want to admit it even happened. They stuff it down deep just like I did. I am so grateful that I have worked through that trauma in ways that now allow me to talk openly about it and show others that it does not define who we are, and we have the strength to work through anything with the right support. Support and connection are key to overcoming and getting better. For years I lived in this cloud… this negative, dark cloud. I didn’t even realize I was there, let alone why. It took a tragic event happening in my life for me to finally see and get healing. I’m not saying it was at all easy, but I am proof that it is possible to get better. What motivates me to share my Experience, Strength & Hope, as well as Lead By Example for others, is that so many people are living in their trauma. All of their behaviors are driven by it, and the majority of folks don’t even know it’s happening. I have been there, and I remember how it felt. There was no level of awareness until something big happened. And so I want to be there, showing others what this positive life looks like, so that when they are ready, or when they need the support because things fall apart for them, someone will be there to help support them through. That is not something I had when it happened to me. It would have made such a difference and would have weighed much less. Part of what I have had to face these last few weeks, and years really, is that those individuals who are still sitting in their trauma, whose behaviors are driven by it, unknowingly treat those who are healing poorly. I have come to learn that it is no fault of their own. These are the affects of trauma. It makes people uncomfortable, and with vulnerability comes shame. With shame comes anger, which more times than not, comes out in fight, flight or freeze responses. These are primal responses, to lash out at others, lash in at oneself, or completely avoid conflict. It’s just natural behavior. And so, no matter how poorly those individuals may treat me, I will do my best to take extra care of myself and not take things personally, so that I can have compassion for those still suffering. This is the work that I want to do, to incorporate into my daily life. Helping those still suffering from the affects of their trauma, by sharing tools and new coping behaviors. Sharing hope for recovery. It’s what I’m passionate about. There is so much more to come followers, stay tuned!