6-7 min read
This particular title is important to me because it leads to one of the most supportive communities of recovery I ever imagined. Reaching out to other people is a hard task, but once we break our silence and really allow ourselves to be vulnerable about the things we are going through, we open ourselves up to being supported in ways that help us thrive in our journey’s. My life has been complete and utter chaos these last few months and I’ll tell ya, it hasn’t been easy to get myself out of bed everyday and push forward, but it is a whole heck of a lot easier with the supportive community that I have in my life. When I said previously that I isolate for days at a time, I didn’t mean that I isolate away from everyone. I meant that I isolate away from things and people that don’t serve me. Everyday I am in communication with my supportive community of recovery, that help uplift me by not offering advice, sharing tools and wisdom, listening to me cry through what I’m going through, and so much more. It’s important for me to make sure that during those harder moments, I am only sharing with individuals that I know are healthy and able to create a safe space for me to do so. And then days later when a loved one or friend contact me, or when I am ready to reach out, I am able to share with pure vulnerability and with healthy boundaries, what I had been going through during that time, which helps me grow my program. Being vulnerable is not something that the majority of people are comfortable with. Thankfully for myself, I have a large community of individuals who are willing to get in the mud with me, and really help me through when it is needed. By my doing so, I get to share that with others who are not quite ready for it, to show them it’s okay to open ourselves up to others and to really trust. I get to help others figure out how to navigate this uncomfortable journey of being our authentic selves and building deep connection with others… tears and all. It’s pretty incredible.
Being surrounded by people in recovery this last weekend has been quite the experience and really eye-opening to just how difficult that is for so many people. I have found that through my recovery, the more I connect with like-minded people who are also willing to get in the mud with others, I have more compassion for those who are observing from the side lines, wondering how the heck they are supposed to do that too. It’s pretty scary stuff. It’s icky and uncomfortable. But I must say, once you have even just one or two solid support people in your life who are healthy because they take care of themselves, use their tools, take their own inventory, are willing to admit their shortcomings, are emotionally mature, know they are not perfect, admit when they are wrong, really open themselves up to others, know what they do & don’t have control over, are willing to make amends, constantly working to improve their relationship with their Higher Power, and who respect you & your boundaries, you will find a whole new way of life. Sounds almost like a fairytale doesn’t it? It’s not. I have this in my own life… by the handfuls.
Being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure.
– Bob Marley
As I started to grow through what I went through, I managed to find myself a healthy person who did all of those things, that helped me build trust and gave me the time I needed to open myself up to them, by offering me patience and understanding. As I grew, so did my own boundaries. In time, I met another healthy person, and another. Until I looked around and I was surrounded by healthy people. Even the people who weren’t quite there, were following my lead and getting healthier in their own ways. It’s been pretty incredible to be a part of. What we can do for ourselves and others by turning it over to our Higher Power and really trusting the process, is beyond what we could imagine. I know it’s not an easy thing to do. I remember all of the fights with my Higher Power and the resistance I felt in putting in trust. There were lots of tears and angry words. It really came back to knowing that I needed something different. What I was doing wasn’t working. Now I am able to pray and meditate, allowing me the space and clear mind, to make healthy decisions and to build self-awareness. I’m not saying that my way is the only way to build a supportive community, but I do have some knowledge in how to get there. What works for me, won’t necessarily work for other people. But in the end, allowing ourselves to connect with healthy people, is an extremely important part of the process. Learn to reason things out with another person. We even get to learn through the process, how to keep ourselves safe and protect us from the people in our lives that might not be right where we need them as a support person. I know for myself, I have lots of friends and family members I want to keep around but may not be the person that can help me through the heavy hardships I am going through, because they have never been there. It doesn’t mean I end those relationships. It means I learn to set boundaries for myself. And if that means I have to isolate myself away from them while I figure out how to set appropriate boundaries for me, then that’s what I have to do. I always come out of it with great amounts of gratitude when it doesn’t take long for me to figure it out, so that I can keep the people I care about active in my life. It hurts when there are folks that I am still figuring out that safety for myself with and I am not yet able to set the needed boundaries to open myself up to them. Instead I just have to continue working through it with the healthy people in my life, and hope that when the time comes, they will understand and welcome me with open arms knowing that I took the necessary time to take care of myself and create safety as I needed it. Something we are all deserving of.
Just a little tip on where to start… find someone who has qualities and characteristics that you find attractive and you catch yourself saying “I want that” or asking “how do they do it?”, then reach out by striking up a conversation. Get to know them by asking questions and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Not to say that relationship will last forever, but you might learn something that helps you start to navigate how to move forward. It’s got to start somewhere. Start within you and allow yourself to create a deep connection with others. Don’t be afraid to get hurt. Use it as an opportunity to grow and learn a lesson that you can take with you to the next part of your journey.
Amber T
