Conflict is a very difficult thing to work through when having spent most of ones life not having a voice or being able to stand up for oneself. Conflict has been the theme of these last couple of weeks. It’s part of why I haven’t written. Prepping myself mentally to address conflict is harder for me than most. It requires I take extra self-care, take much needed time, have patience with myself and use my supports so that I don’t act out of anger, say things I don’t mean and make sure that I use my words enough to be heard. And though it is difficult for me, it is getting easier and easier with practice. This week I have had a lot of practice! Thank goodness for all of my support as well. It makes it all that much easier. I get it, conflict is uncomfortable. I would much rather work through the uncomfortableness than to not, especially when it involves people I care about. It’s amazing because this last couple of weeks, I have been presented with many opportunities to address conflict and haven’t given it a second thought… I just work to overcome the conflict. That never would have happened in the past. All of these tools and support really changes everything. I am better equipped to handle the conflict, whereas before I would have ran far, far away from it. I would have ended friendships, relationships, jobs, you name it. Now, I launch into action head first. Sometimes that action for addressing conflict looks different than people would expect. Just as mentioned above, for me it requires time, self-care, patience and reaching out to my supports. Especially if I want to handle the conflict in a constructive manner that helps both parties grow and come out stronger in the end. It’s part of what’s important with doing The Next Right Thing. Easy Does It. Often when conflict arises, I like to use THINK as a tool, as a reminder to be Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary and Kind with my words. I definitely could not have used that tool even a couple of years ago. I was not capable of it. I would just react, which is also how I used to hurt people. Thank goodness those days are over. Of course conflict is still really difficult for me but I no longer dissociate, and instead I stay present in the moment and make right choices. Growth sure is an amazing thing. I also think that is why I am such an advocate for talking through conflict. I always encourage folks to talk about what’s bothering them, and I work hard to create a space for people that helps them feel comfortable to have the uncomfortable conversations, especially for those folks who have never been able to have a voice in the past. Safe words, boundaries, safe spaces, active listening, and then some. Working on this new project will definitely help me gain more tools in Conflict Resolution. Of course I am still human as well. With one of my most recent conflicts, I was triggered and ended up having a trauma response. Which means it took me even longer to work through not reacting out of anger, fear or resentment. The person I was having conflict with was quick to react out of anger, which threw me back to bad relationships I’ve had. And that was mainly because I was already really sensitive and didn’t know how to set boundaries in that moment. What’s important though is that I took the necessary time for me to feel better enough to have a conversation about what happened. It was hard. And even then, I could have used more time but felt pressured into talking sooner than I was comfortable. That’s okay though… it was uncomfortable but came with a lot of growth. I feel better equipped for the next conflict. Because let’s be honest, conflict is going to happen. It’s just a matter of how we handle that conflict. I am so grateful for being in a place that I can continue to grow as a person and continue to work hard on being the person I want to be and that I know I am capable of. Sure has taken me a long time to get here. I find that my flexibility and willingness to grow is what is helping me in this journey of creating this new project. I sure am looking forward to what is to come and am blessed that so many people are a part of the journey with me. Stay tuned followers, the best has yet to come!