Yesterday I was talking to a friend of mine who asked me if I liked cottage cheese. Random I know but I have a point to sharing this with you. When I went to go answer him, I was hit with memories from my childhood. It reminded me of eating cottage cheese and peaches, as well as many things that I blocked out during that time in my life. This has been going on for a few weeks now. Someone will say something or I’ll see something on social media, at work or in a show, that would have been perfectly fine in the past, and yet now for me it will bring on memories from my childhood that I repressed years and years ago. I don’t remember much of my childhood. There’s a whole block of time I have no recollection of so of course it’s surprising when memories pop up more than 20 years later. Blocking traumatic events out is a fight-flight response. It’s our brains way of protecting itself. These last few weeks have been increasingly difficult because everyday something new is surfacing. A new trigger arises and I am having to cope with it. I am grateful that I have tools now to process the triggers in much healthier ways, but I am exhausted. I am very much aware that my poor coping skills are a big reason as to why things turned out the way they did for me. Had I handled my past better, I think things would be much different. I am working really hard to accept that I am doing better now and I cannot change the past. As things continue to come up, I hope to continue on this path of healthy coping skills and staying above my recovery from the trauma. I hope that in the work that I do with others, that I will somehow be able to make a positive difference in someone’s life so that they don’t learn the hard way like I did. And I am racking my brain as to how I can construct a way to be successful in this business so that others don’t have to go through what I’m going through or have been through, but instead I can share an awe-inspiring story that will help others. I am grateful for the experiences that I have, and I look forward to the day that I am healthy enough that I can share it all with someone so that I’m not going about these scary things all by myself. And until that day comes, I will keep focusing on me and continue to work out details on how I can best help others when they are feeling hopeless much like I have felt the last 20+ years.