It’s been over a month since I wrote last. Life has been quite busy. Thankfully things are starting to slow down… ish. I’m back in school, working my job and still actively working my program. Trauma has been weighing heavy on my mind for the last month, so much so that I started therapy. I’ve personally been experiencing a lot of growth but also I’ve been triggered in big ways so it’s just been a lot of sadness, regret and tears. I’m doing my best to keep my head up and keep moving forward, I’m just definitely feeling my feelings. Letting go is hard. Growing is hard. I often wonder if the triggers will ever get better. It’s been 5 years and still the triggers hit me daily, just as much as they did when everything happened. Recovery from trauma takes a long time, and it’s hard work that’s for sure. As I continue working through my trauma and gaining healthier tools, I am handling the triggers better when they hit. It’s allowing me to hold my composure long enough to get everything done that I need to do and then actually set aside the time to feel my feelings when I have privacy and can process my thoughts. A trigger I had a few days ago hit me pretty unexpectedly, and then it was intensified by other triggers back to back. Who knew peeling boiled eggs could trigger someone. Music and smells are common triggers, but boiled eggs?! It’s things like that, that make me wonder if the triggers will ever stop. I’ve boiled lots of eggs in the last 5 years, so why now? I imagine the triggers may lessen, but likely will never cease to exist. When someone feels something deeply or has a significant loss, that doesn’t just go away. Not to mention finally addressing almost 30 years of trauma is gonna take time. Triggers for me come out of nowhere. I could be doing great, then something will happen, I’ll hear something, see something, watch something, experience something, and then BAM!… I’m in tears with no warning. The other day someone shared what patience meant for them in their recovery and I bawled like a baby. It was a beautiful thing listening to someone openly talk about their addiction, but it definitely triggered me because I would love for my loved ones to overcome their fight with the disease and be able to speak as openly as this gentleman did. And since there’s absolutely nothing I can do besides what I’m already doing, I just have to keep my head up, and pray. So I do just that. Actually, something about prayer came up just today, that inspired me to fill in yet another detail for this business. I know it’s a work in progress, but I’m getting closer and closer to getting things together. I so badly wish everything would happen right now. Of course I have to practice patience in my own recovery, and remember that this is a lifelong journey. The turtle wins the race right? It took me 30 years to create all the trauma, so it only makes sense that it could take that long to overcome it. Stay tuned followers, the best has yet to come!