This page is intended to be an open letter to my loved ones still battling with addiction, as a reminder to them that no matter where our relationship takes us, they are in my thoughts and prayers always. My hope is that it can somehow help others find a way to say the much needed words to their loved one too. When we are the loved ones of someone struggling with addiction, trauma or mental illness, it is easy to get caught in our emotions and end up being hurtful with our words, causing our loved ones to push further away. In my recovery, I have worked hard to learn new, constructive ways of communicating. I always use THINK when communicating with others. THINK is a tool I found in my twelve-step program. Before speaking, I ask myself… Is it Thoughtful? Honest? Intelligent? Necessary? and Kind? If I answer no to any of those, my words may be more hurtful, causing more harm and need not be said. It’s important that we communicate well so that we can help ourselves and help our loved ones get better. As we change and lead by example, we are showing a new way to love one another.
“There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you. I pray every day that you find healing and strength. The love I carry in my heart for you is more than you can ever imagine. Every thing I do in life, I carry you with me. I know that the life you lead is yours and you have the right to choose to live however you’d like. I just hope that one day you take the time to see how your addiction has affected those that love you. Not to mention the damage that happens to your own body and mind. It’s hard to see things clearly when it is clouded by the consumption of alcohol or drugs. We become a pawn to the addiction when we allow it to consume us and we don’t take the time away that is needed to clear our minds and our hearts. Whatever your struggles are that lead you to drink, use drugs or cope in unhealthy ways, there are ways to overcome. I know how difficult it is to allow ourselves to become vulnerable and to accept help. It is important to gain the right support; those individuals who will help lift you up and encourage you through the dark times that arise when chasing recovery. Support that will listen without judgment and help you work through the confusing and scary thoughts that will arise. It’s hard to work through the trauma that leads an individual to cover their past, but once you start the journey, there is a huge following of folks who will be there to lift you up. You will find your relationships to change in many ways. You will find that healthier behaviors naturally happen over time. This is your journey. Just know that you are affecting people who love you. And as scary as it may seem, there is help and hope. You are not alone. Please just remember, even if I’m not there, I’ll always love you, forever & always.” – Amber T
Here is a short list of resources for getting help, whether you struggle with alcoholism, substance use, or are a loved one, there is help and hope:
- Nar-Anon, http://www.nar-anon.org – A program for friends and family affected by drug addicts.
- Al-Anon, http://www.al-anon.org – A program for friends and family affected by alcoholism.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, http://www.aa.org – A fellowship of men and women who have had a drinking problem.
- Narcotics Anonymous, http://www.na.org – A fellowship of men and women who have had a drug problem.
- Addiction Help, http://www.addictionhelp.org – Helpful information regarding addiction.
- SAMHSA, http://www.samhsa.gov – Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration – A resource to help reduce the impact of substance abuse and mental health in America’s communities.
- NAMI, http://www.nami.org – National Alliance on Mental Illness – A resource to help building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness.
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. 1-800-273-8255 or 988. A resource to help prevent suicide, offering a 24/7 free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress.
There are many other resources available. Contact your local mental health provider for support services available in your area.