Starting a business is not an easy task. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, lots of things have stood in my way along this journey but I continue to work through them in whatever way I can because this business means a lot to me. People have asked me before “What if it’s not successful?”, “What if the candles don’t sell?”, “What if it fails?”…. what if, what if, what if. I have no idea what the future holds. I have no idea if I will be successful or not. But here’s what I do know… This business means too much to me to give up without a fight. I know that my candles smell and burn amazing. I know how much hard work and love is put into these candles. And I know that my candles are high quality. I’m positive I have a great product. Now, I’m still working on the selling techniques and putting myself out there… that’s a little harder for me than anyone would expect, especially if you’ve ever met me lol. So, since that’s an area I struggle in, I’ve done lots of research to see ways that may assist in the process. Well, a common theme amongst my research is to share a personal touch about how the business got started so people can feel naturally connected and drawn to what you have to offer. I’ve bounced back and forth with this one for some time. I knew in the beginning that I wanted to share my journey from when I first started Tender Flame to the day that I finally have my own store front (I’ll get there eventually!) and beyond which is why I started this blog, but that was more for like the steps I took to get there and processes, not something personal! It was scary to think about sharing what motivated me in the first place, but it’s good to overcome our fears right?
So, as some of you may have read recently, I wrote a post briefly sharing how I got started with this business. The tip of the iceberg if you will. Things definitely go much deeper than I shared but no need to share all the details at once. I want to keep you coming back for more! For those of you that didn’t read the post, let me catch you up to speed. I started this business because I lost my family to alcoholism. I was heartbroken and trying to find anything that helped me out of the darkness, and candle making is it. I pour all of my love into these candles… And now that I’m seeing more clearly, I’ve decided to also pour my anger, resentment, shame, embarassment, frustration, hurt, fear, doubt, grief, guilt, loneliness, sorrow and every other emotion that comes with recovery, into my candles as well because here’s the truth… In all the times that I have made excuses as to why my candle business has been on hold, the truth is… I was being destructive because I just didn’t know how to cope. I was falling right back into my old habits, feeling sorry for myself, and doing destructive behaviors to take away my pain. It only helps for a short while. Then when the destructive behaviors stop working, and I get my head out of my butt, I try to refocus, but then I slip up again, and again, and again, and fall right back into what I know. As of this moment, I am proud to say I am coping differently now. Actually I haven’t been destructive again for a couple weeks now which is good, but I’m definitely feeling the effects of my many, many times of coping in negative ways over the last couple of years. My emotions are high. This is the longest I’ve been able to keep my focus, in almost two years. Being honest, and vulnerable by adding a personal touch is a big deal for me because that’s not something I normally do. Which I’ll let you in on a little secret… is another reason I don’t cope well; to avoid my own feelings and not have to be honest with myself, or anyone else, and not let anyone in. Which is actually why a lot of alcoholics drink. But here’s the deal, I want a better life for myself. I want to be free from the chains of alcohol and it’s affects. I want to overcome my own trauma and pain. I want to get better in whatever way I can. I also want to focus on more positive things, such as this business which I know WILL be successful. I don’t have all the answers, knowledge or maybe even the know-how to get this up and running over night by any means but I will continue to move forward and make sure that I’m making the right decisions for success, and step one is my continued recovery. Recovery is not something that happens overnight, it is a life long process. Self-care is important to my success in both this business and my recovery so that’s currently my number one priority.
On a different note, now that I’m more focused, I finally dedicated the time to make inventory and stop living in fear. I was so nervous and fearful that I would fail, that I just kept putting it off and holding myself back. But here’s the deal, I have tested so many candle recipes, over and over again. I know they are quality because I made them again and again until I got them right, and tested some more. And now I’m slowly selling the candles, one by one, and people LOVE them!! Having them made and in hand has been good practice for starting conversations about my candles to get my product out there, and it’s been healing for my recovery. I’m finally able to talk about things without bursting into tears. People can ask me questions and I can give them honest answers. Maybe I still tear up sure, I will always be affected by this, it has changed my entire life. But guess what… It’s okay to be vulnerable, and the further into my recovery I am, the easier things will become, and the more my business will grow. Next I just need to learn how to ask for the sale!
Stay tuned Tender Flame followers, because there is much on the horizon.